Jill – I’m keeping the house!

After all of her attempts to convince Jack to give their 15-year marriage a chance, Jill realized that her marriage is really over.  Jill is hurt and angry.  She feels betrayed and Jack’s presence in the home is unbearable.  Jill is walking on eggshells and no one is talking.  To make it worst, Jack still pretends that everything is fine.  The atmosphere in the home is so tense that you could cut it with a knife.  Jill cannot take this anymore.  She barely sleeps at night and she feels sick.  Jack’s suggestion to just continue living together in the same home “for the sake of the kids” while they sort out the legal issues around their separation is complete nonsense.   Jill and the children cannot continue to live in limbo.  The children feel the tension in the home and they are starting to ask questions.  Jill is angry and wants Jack out of the home – the sooner the better.
 

Agreeing on housing arrangements is normally the first thing that ex-partners will need to sort out following the announcement of the separation.  What do we do with the home?  Who goes and who stays?  Do the children remain in the family home or do they move into the departing parents’ new home?   Many issues need to be considered when making new living arrangements.   Here are a few pointers to help you consider your options:

• Issues surrounding the care of the children need to be sorted out.  The best way to handle this is to make a temporary parenting plan for your children.  Abandoning the home with the kids and without notice to the other parent is NOT the way to proceed, unless you are faced with serious
  safety issues (such as domestic violence, in which case you should seek guidance before leaving with the children).  Agreeing to a temporary plan of care (even one that you may not feel is the best) will ensure that both parents’ rights towards their children are protected while they negotiate a final – and perhaps more appropriate – plan for their children. 
• It is not uncommon for a family to have a tough time meeting their monthly expenses on their combined income.   The prospect of dividing this family income into two different households (thus, doubling the parties’ combined housing expenses) may not be an option.   If finances are an issue, you may have to negotiate temporary financial arrangements with your former spouse to meet monthly expenses, even if only for a short period of time, for example while the home is being sold or refinanced with a view to be transferred to the other spouse.  You may consider obtaining a joint line of credit to pay the extra monthly expenses with the understanding that when the home is sold or transferred, the line of credit will be paid off.  
• If temporary financial arrangements cannot be made, you may have to consider whether your family members or a friend can provide you with temporary housing.   Perhaps the parents can rotate in and out of the home to care for the children (each of them having exclusive possession of the home while they care for the children) until things are settled.  Just remember that there are various alternatives that you may not think about, but that an experienced family lawyer, financial divorce specialist or financial advisor can help you craft. 
• If financial considerations are not an issue, and the parties cannot agree on temporary living arrangements, the court can make an order giving one of the parties (with or without children) the exclusive use / possession of the home for a certain period of time (normally until the sale of the home or until some event occurs).  However, seeking the assistance of the court should be your last option.  In fact, this costly option should be used only in case of an emergency or if all other attempts to negotiate an acceptable agreement (temporary or final) have failed.