Should you try to make Christmas perfect?

Last year was the first Christmas after the separation.  Although the holidays went fairly well given the circumstances, Jill is feeling the pressure of making Christmas perfect.  The children are asking for an IPOD, and IPAD, and IPHONE, an XBOX just to name a few big ticket items on their wish list. Jill earns a lot less money than Jack and cannot afford the luxurious gifts he buys the children.   She also feels guilty that she will not spend Christmas morning with the kids and thinking of the loneliness is just overwhelming.   She knows that she has to stick to the budget and that money does not buy love. However, when it comes to the children Jill usually overspends.  

 

In preparation for Christmas Jill made a list of 5 goals she will try to respect during this holiday season:

 

1.  Make a list of gifts. Set a budget and stick to it.  Shop early – avoid last minute temptations and overspending. 

 

2.  Talk to the children and Jack about Christmas and New Year arrangements well in advance – good planning and realistic expectations can prevent frustrations and disappointment.

 

3.  Remain flexible during the holidays - avoid disagreements, dramatic people and uncomfortable conversations after all “it’s the season to be jolly”.

 

4.  Enjoy myself – spend quality time laughing with family and friends, the support of loved ones can provide strength to move past a difficult situation.

 

5.  Remain positive – Choosing to learn from this hurtful life experience can help you grow into a stronger, wiser person.

 

I work for my-self and don’t earn much income!

Jack is self-employed as a human resource consultant for various companies and organizations in the Ottawa area, a business he started to operate when he was laid off from his long-time position with the federal government. As a self-employed business owner, Jack is able to enjoy freedom and many tax benefits that are not available to “regular” employees.  However,  being self-employed also means that he must bear the risks associated with the ups and downs of market demands and fluctuating annual income that “regular” employees do not have to assume. That is what he responded to Jill when her lawyer had the nerves to suggest that his income was actually higher than the amount he declared in his annual income tax return.

Jill’s lawyer had no intention to insult Jack, or to insinuate that he was defrauding Canada Revenue Agency.   For the purpose of determining the annual income required to calculate both child and spousal support, the court is not limited to the revenue declared by  a tax payor in his or her income tax return.   In fact, the tax and other financial benefits flowing from being self-employed, being the sole owner of your own company or living in a country with much lower tax rates (to name only a few) can and will be taken into consideration and will often result in the court attributing a higher income than what is reported on line 150 of the income tax return.  This is because the child and spousal support guidelines (those tables, charts and software that determine how much support is payable) are based on income earned by “regular” employees who are subject to source deductions and less flexible taxation rules, and who must pay for personal expenses with after-tax money.  This is not the case for self-employed people who usually also  enjoy the following (non-exhaustive) benefits;

• paying for personal expenses (such as car expenses, cell phones, meals and entertainment, travel, etc.) through their businesses, thus allowing them to pay with “before-tax money”;
• leaving important sums of money in their company, for reinvestment or future use; 
• investing through their company with “before-tax money”; and
• receiving income as dividends, which brings about a lower taxation rate.

As a result, when assessing a self-employed payor’s income judges and lawyers must look beyond the income tax return to avoid comparing  apples (“regular” employee payors’ income) with oranges (self-employed payors’ income). 

An offer to settle? Is my lawyer losing trust in my case?

The trial in Jill and Jack’s family matter is approaching.  They have not yet been able to settle their disputes over financial matters and the judge overseeing their court case has advised them that he was “setting this matter down to trial”. Family judges often do that to force the parties to be reasonable and be pro-active about settling their affairs. As a result, Jack’s lawyer has recommended that an offer to settle be made to Jill, emphasizing the fact that the offer is a significant compromise on Jack’s part. In other words, Jack’s lawyer is proposing to settle financial matters for an amount significantly less than what Jacks believes he is entitled to.  Jack wonders why he would do that and is beginning to think that his lawyer may not be advising him properly.

 

In fact, this is really good advice that Jack is getting. The role of offers to settle in a family court proceeding must not be understated, as they can have a significant impact on the dollars you might be able to recoup at the end of the day.  If accepted by your ex-spouse, an offer to settle will end your court case definitely.  This means, among other things:

• No more legal fees to pay (thousands and thousands of dollars of savings);
• You will not have to go to trial (no need to spend an entire week – or more – under stress, telling a perfect stranger about your most private affairs with your ex-spouse);
• No more stress over the legal proceedings (sleep at last); and
• The right for you and your children to live in peace, and finish grieving the end of your relationship. 

If your offer is not accepted by your ex-spouse, then making a « low ball » offer to settle will have the effect of protecting yourself against the high costs of divorce litigation. At the end of a full-blown trial, the judge will have the obligation to consider costs spent by each party in the court proceeding, and to award costs in favour of one party against the other.  This means that the judge will have the right to order one party (usually the party who “lost”) to pay to the other party (the “successful” party) an amount to compensate him or her for the legal fees paid throughout the proceeding.  The judge will look at the offer to settle that was presented before trial. If some of the terms of the offer were more beneficial to the other party then what was ultimately offered by the judge, the court is directed by law to make a cost order against the party who failed to accept this most beneficial offer for the time wasted going to trial. As a result, a “low ball” offer to settle can become very beneficial in the end. 

 

Everything in family court is about being reasonable.  While you may think that you have a 100% chance of success in the position that you are advancing in court, history has shown that, in every single case, at least one of the parties end up disappointed.  Making every possible effort to settle your family issues out of court could mean accepting a bit less than what you think you are entitled to. Most importantly, it could mean finding peace of mind. Often, settlement is a question of perception:  is your glass half-empty or half-full?

 

I need closure!

Jill wants to have the home transferred to her name.  She knows that it is over with Jack and she’s chomping at the bit to build a new life.  She feels that Jack is purposely dragging out the separation process in an attempt to wear her down and get a sweeter financial settlement.  Her biggest fear is to settle too quickly and end up living from pay check to pay check.  

Here are 3 common mistakes people make when negotiating a settlement:

1. Insist on keeping the home you worked hard for or that you like so much
Often, the matrimonial home can be more of a liability than an asset especially when you are living on a single income.  It is important to make a list of all the monthly expenses before making this big decision.  It is also recommended to add 25% to your current monthly budget because with time, you will need extra money to get the roof repaired, a new fridge and stove, a lawn mower, new furnace etc.   In the end, it may make more financial sense to sell the home and move into a smaller, more affordable property such as a condo, an apartment, or a smaller bungalow where the maintenance is taken care of or less costly.  Emotionally, it may also make sense to start fresh in a home more suited to your family’s current needs.

 

2. Get bogged down in the “I want” war
Too many separated spouses fight over possessions they want such as furniture, antiques, and knickknacks while losing the big picture in the process.  As a result, lots of time and money are wasted in petty battles.  Fighting over minor possessions just makes negotiations on the important issues, like the home, parenting issues and support (child and spousal), more difficult and lengthy.  It is important for you to become a savvy negotiator.  Make a list of the things that you absolutely want.  Also include in the list some of the items you are willing to let go.  Then “compromise” on the non-essentials and make it look like a win-win situation!

 

3. Be overly anxious to get closure or be afraid to be ridiculed by your ex
Too many people rush into settlement because they are seeking closure.  Others are afraid to be ridiculed by their ex and do not stand up their ground.  Sometimes the desire for closure or the refusal to speak up means the difference between a comfortable life and a marginal one.  Get involved, understand how the law works, ask questions and make sound decisions.  Remember that a piece of paper will not give you closure. Only time and working on yourself can do that. 

The children are finally 18, can I stop paying child support?

Jack’s brother, Sam, has twin daughters (Melany and Stephany) who will soon be 18 years old and who continue to live primarily with their mother since the separation. The adult girls have just graduated from high school.     Melany has been working in retail since she is 16 years old and in light of the career opportunities offered by her company she has decided for the time being to work full time in that industry and not pursue her post-secondary studies.    As for Stephany, she aspires to become a doctor and has been accepted to university.  Following the completion of her bachelor degree in sciences, she hopes to enter medical school to pursue her dream.    For the next three years, both girls intend to continue living with their mother   Sam wonders whether he still has an obligation to pay child support after the girls turn 18.

Child support does not necessarily end when a child turns 18.  Normally, child support will continue to be paid for an adult child if he/she enrolls into  a post-secondary study program or if the child is unable to support himself/herself as a result of a disability or illness.  When a child pursues a college or university education the child support obligation will usually end when the child receives his/her first post-secondary degree, although there are exceptions.

To the extent that the obligation to continue to pay child support exists, the monthly amount of support must be determined. This is where things get a bit more complicated.  Normally, if a child lives at home with one parent while pursuing his/her studies, the basic child support amount that was payable prior to the child turning 18 will likely continue to be payable after that date (this amount is set by the Federal Child Support Guidelines, based on the payor’s income). This makes sense since the “custodial” parent will have to continue to maintain a home for the child and to assume his/her day-to-day expenses (i.e., transportation, food, clothing).    However, if the child movesaway from home to attend school (normally 8 months out of 12), then the way child support is calculated would be different as we would have to take into consideration the child’s needs outside of the parent’s home, the reduced costs to the recipient parent when the child is living away from home and the child’s own ability to contribute to his or her living and school expenses.

In addition to paying the basic child support amount, the paying parent (such as Sam) would also have an obligation to contribute his/her share of the child’s extraordinary expenses.  These would include a portion of the child’s tuition fees, books and other school expenses, to the extent that the child is unable to cover all of those expenses with student loans, grants or their own income.

 

Although it may appear that child support obligations will never end, just remember that you are a parent for life.  In the end, giving your child a chance at living a successful and financially independent life (hopefully sooner rather than later…) is what you are here for in the first place, isn’t it?

Should I go back to school as an adult student?

Jill is always struggling to make ends meet and she does not really like her job.  More than anything else, she hates to be financially dependent on Jack.  Since the separation, she is longing for a new exciting career with a higher income and better advancement opportunities.  Her greatest challenge is juggling home life, work and school.   Jill’s parents have agreed to help her out with the children during the school year.  However, they have a well-deserved retirement and Jill does not feel comfortable with imposing her family responsibilities on them.    Jill wonders if she should go back to school part-time or full-time, where she will take the money, the energy and the time to tackle this new life project. 

Here are four tips that can make an adult student life a bit easier:

1. Get Financial Help - Unless you have won the lottery or received an inheritance, money is the number one issue for adult student returning to school.  Ask your school for the various scholarships, grants and loans available in Ontario.   Often the applications must be sent several months prior to the beginning of the school year.  Make your budget, understand the debt repayment options available, as well as, the interest rates.  No sense accumulating a $50,000 debt that you will only pay off in 25 years!  Plan this out while you are at the negotiation table with you ex.  For example, you could try to negotiate a lump sum spousal support payment (one larger payment now rather than lower monthly instalments over a longer period of time).  You could also  ask for higher support payments but for a shorter period of time than the law would allow, which would give you the extra cash flow you need while attending school. 

 

2.  Plan study time in your busy schedule - Unless studying becomes your full-time job, you will have to juggle studies, children, and (maybe) a new relationship.  Managing your study time will be pivotal to your success.   Decide what hours/days you need. Making a date with yourself will help you stay focused and disciplined when something comes up during that scheduled time. Try to negotiate with your ex a parenting plan (access schedule) with the children that will give you the time you need to study.  You ex could be more than happy to help out with the children if, in the end it, your income is larger and you become less financially dependent on him or her.

 

3.  Reduce Test Anxiety – It is sad but true, with age and a surcharge of family responsibilities, our memory is not what it used to be when we were young and carefree students.  No matter how hard you study, tests are usually stressful.  Try to organize a special parenting arrangement with your ex during the weeks when you have exams.  School schedules are usually fixed a year in advance.  This gives you ample time to sort out, in  advance, a parenting arrangement for those weeks.  Being organized is the first way to reduce test stress, manage your anxiety and avoid last minute study cramming. When all fails, remember to breathe!

 

4. Create your support system -   Getting help from friends and family will be crucial during this very stressful and hectic time of your life.  Many schools offer group help and day-care facilities.  Friends and family may be more than happy to take the children for a meal and to special activities to help you out.  Don’t be shy and ask for help.  Get ideas from other adult students in your group. You might be surprised to see how many other single parents return to school and how resourceful they are when it comes to organization, household management and child care arrangements!

I want my divorce! What is the difference between separation and divorce?

Jack has had it.  If there was ever any possibility that they would reconcile, any such hopes have come to an end when he heard that Jill had retained the services of a lawyer. Jack has told Jill that he wanted a divorce, to which Jill has replied that he would get it “when he faced up with his responsibilities as a father and a husband!”.  Jack wonders if he needs Jill's consent to get a divorce.

 

When two spouses part ways, it is very common to hear them say that they “want a divorce”.  However, in a separation process the divorce itself is really just a legal formality that will put an official end to the marriage. Getting to the point where you can get a divorce is what takes so long and can be very difficult because in most cases you will want to settle all issues by way of a separation agreement.  Getting such an agreement through mediation, collaborative justice, lawyer-to-lawyer negotiation or a court process is your first step. When an agreement is signed, you then know what your rights and obligations towards your ex and your children will be in the future.  When all issues have been settled, getting the divorce is truly just a "paper process" which, while it still requires court intervention (the divorce can only be granted by court order), will not require the spouses to attend court and will not involve months of legal debates.  If you have been separated for one year and all issues have been settled in a separation agreement, you are entitled to obtain a divorce order with or without your ex’ consent.

 

This said, there is really no difference between being separated (once a final agreement has been signed by both parties) and being divorced, except for some of the following differences:

1. If you are divorced, you can get remarried (something you cannot do if you are not divorced).

 

2. If you are divorced, you may no longer qualify as a beneficiary under your ex-spouse’s health plan or pension plan (although certain health plans allows it in certain circumstances).  Some pension plans also require that you obtain a divorce order to prevent your ex to obtain, upon your death, your pension plan benefits.

 

It is common to see couples that never get a divorce and only have a separation agreement.  There is no difference in the eyes of the Canada Revenue Agency between a separated or divorced individual.  Often times, people are emotionally exhausted and simply do not want to engage any further legal costs getting a divorce until someone decides to get remarried.  For many people, however, getting a divorce is necessary to cut the emotional ties to their ex and many people get their divorce immediately after having signed their separation agreement. So ultimately, getting a divorce is, more often than not, simply a question of personal choice.

If I have to see you in court honey, you’ll have to pay my legal fees!

Jack and Jill have been trying to settle their separation issues by themselves for a couple of months now. Jill is getting frustrated with Jack because he does not seem to take their separation seriously.   She does not see any other options than to retain a lawyer and go to court.  She is convinced that once they go to court the judge will tell Jack what he needs to hear.  But when Jill finally met with her lawyer, she was a bit surprised by (and disappointed with) her lawyer’s comments and reluctance to engage into a court action.  She wonders if she hired the right lawyer…  In fact, Jill’s lawyer has explained to her that the court process is not only very time and emotionally consuming, it will also be very costly.  However, Jill is convinced that she will win hands down on all issues and that, in the end,  Jack will be responsible to pay for all her legal fees.

 

Many separated couples believe that going to court is the only way they can get someone to pay attention to what they are saying. They believe that they are right, the other spouse is wrong and that the court room will be the venue where the winner will take it all.   But legal fees to get there are a very important aspect to consider when making the decision to resort to the judicial system.  While a court may order the “losing” spouse to pay part of the other spouse’s legal costs to prepare and attend court, it is highly unlikely that the judge will order that ALL costs incurred be paid back to the “winning” party.   In addition, considering that most cases eventually settle out of court (less than 3% of all family court cases end in a trial, where costs orders are made), opportunities to get the big fat cost order are very rare.

 

In addition, it is not because a party wins in court the he/she will necessarily get his/her legal costs paid by the loosing party. In deciding whether a party should be responsible to pay for the other’s court costs, the judge will look at different factors such as: Were the parties reasonable?  Did the spouses make reasonable efforts to settle the case?  Did one of the parties fail to accept a reasonable offer? Did one spouse act in bad faith? Did one spouse pursue unrealistic claims? and the list goes on and on…

 

So no one should ever go to court thinking that they will win it all, or thinking that the other party will have to pay their legal fees.  When making the decision to go to court, you need to start from the premise that any and all legal fees paid to your lawyer will be on you, and that you will be lucky if at the end of the day a judge orders your ex to pay some of them.  This is why it is so important to make sure that you have tried every possible way to settle out of court before you chose this very lengthy and costly avenue.

All I need from my mom and dad after divorce

It is almost the end of the school year and the children have been coming home with their backpacks full of assignments that they completed in class with their teachers.  As Jack is sifting through the pile of papers on the kitchen counter, he found a wrinkled piece of paper written by his teenage daughter entitled: “All I need from my mom and dad”.   This is an assignment that was completed in English earlier in the year.  It broke Jack’s heart… Here’s what it said:

 

« All I need from my mom and dad »

•   I need both of you to stay involved in my life on a daily basis.  Please write emails, text me, make phone calls, and ask me LOTS of questions about school, my friends, my interests, my fears, my dreams and ambitions.  When you do not stay involved, I feel like I am not important and that you do not care about me anymore.
•   When you say you will visit me, make sure you show up because I feel so sad and lonely and often I feel the rejection over and over again.  I just want to spend time with you!
•   I want and I need to love both of you.  Please support the time that I spend with each of you and also with my step-parents.  If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. 
•   Stop making me the messenger!   Communicate directly with my other parent. I often feel like the bearer of bad news and my stomach is in knots until I deliver the message. 
At my age, I don’t need this constant stress.

•   Always remember this:  I want both of you to be a part of my life on a daily basis. I count on my mom and my dad to raise me, to teach me what’s important, and to help me when I have problems.  I want to confide in you but before I do that I need to be constantly reassured that I can TRUST you and that you ARE there for me at all times!

As a parent, it is normal to feel uncertain about how to support your children during – and especially after – your divorce because often you simply do not know what to say to them.   Being a step-parent is even harder because you seem to be living in this grey zone – should I hug his/her children?  Tell them I love them?  Although they are not the parents, often step-parents are more involved in the children’s daily lives then the access parent.   The divorce is a transitional time that cannot be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority.   If your children do not live with you primarily, do not fall into the trap of buying your children’s love with presents.  Give them the gift of time…

 

In the end, no matter their age and no matter the circumstances, all children want the same thing from their parents and step-parents such as reassurance, a listening ear, stability, routine and structure.  But most of all, children want to be part of a family that loves them and shows them every day by being present in their lives.  They want parents and step-parents to participate in their activities, to give them hugs and high fives and to take the time to cook and enjoy a nice family diner.  Simply said, your children need your presence more than your presents!

I want my share in your business!

 

Jill’s sister has been living in a common-law relationship with her boyfriend for 11 years.  They have two children together, they own a home jointly and they have invested in a rental property through a company belonging to her boyfriend.  In all aspects (except for the very expensive wedding), they are like a married couple.  As of late, things have been rocky in their relationship and her sister has sought Jill’s guidance with regard to their rental property. She thought that since Jill is going through a separation herself, she would know the answer to her questions. However, Jill herself was married and she wonders if the same rules would apply to common law spouses.

 

The answer is NO. When it comes to property rights, things are very different for common law spouses than for married spouses. If you are married, Ontario laws very specifically set out how your family property is to be shared.  The rules are clear and will be strictly followed by lawyers and judges (unless you and your spouse agree to share your property differently).  However, this property division scheme does not apply to common law couples in Ontario.

 

It does not mean that non-married spouses have no legal remedies when it comes to property. To rectify what courts often saw as a terrible injustice, Canadian courts have created some legal principles which, if some conditions are established, allow common-law spouses to share in the value of a property owned by the other spouse following a separation. The main legal principle applied by Canadian courts to split assets between unmarried spouses is called “unjust enrichment”.

 

In simple terms, “unjust enrichment” may be established when one spouse made a contribution (financial or otherwise) towards the acquisition, maintenance or improvement of an asset (for instance a piece of property) which is owned by one spouse only, resulting in a financial benefit for the other party, to the first party’s detriment.  In the case of Jill’s sister, it would be profoundly unjust if she did not get to share in the value of the property held in her boyfriend’s company name given that they contributed an equal amount of money and efforts towards its purchase and maintenance.

 

This said, proving unjust enrichment can be quite a challenge sometimes, and the cost of making this claim before a court of law can be out of reach for many people.  For that reason, prevention is always better than cure, and many of the challenges associated with unjust enrichment claims can usually be avoided from the outset with careful family planning through cohabitation agreements and other legal contracts. For more information about this subject listen to our program:

 

«Protecting Your Finances: Marriage Contracts and Cohabitation Agreement (“prenupts”)»  http://www.familylawinabox.com/info/study_box.php

Why should I stress with work and let you relax at the spa!

Jack’s work environment has changed considerably lately and he feels lots of pressure to work excessive hours with short timelines.  He is currently experiencing health issues and his doctor has asked him to explore the possibility of taking an early retirement.  His employer has made it clear that hiring temporary help is out of the question.  Jack is seriously considering his doctor’s suggestion but wonders if, by taking an early retirement, his monthly support payments to Jill would be reduced or terminated.  After all, why should he stress with work while Jill spends his money relaxing at the spa!

 

If Jack is retiring for the sole purpose of reducing his support obligations, a court may impute him a higher salary than his retirement income, and calculate his support obligations based on what he used to earn before he retired.  This same principle applies to a payor who intentionally reduces his/her income to avoid paying support.   However, if Jack’s decision to retire is deemed reasonable (because it was prompted by medical reasons or some other « reasonable » cause), then his support payments may be reduced or even terminated.  In that case, the courts would look at many factors, including the following two important principles:

1. The nature of spousal support - Spousal support is an important and necessary means to share the financial impacts of separation which sometimes go well beyond the payor’s retirement.  In deciding whether or not the support obligation should be modified once the payor retires, the court will consider the nature of the support received by the recipient: (i) was the support ordered to compensate a spouse who stayed home throughout the marriage and who, as a result, did not have the opportunity to advance his/her career and earn a reasonable income? or (ii) was the support meant to alleviate a financial need, where a spouse  is unable to meet his/her personal monthly needs?  When support is based on compensation, the courts have often concluded that a spouse is considered to have been fully compensated by the time the payor retires.  However, when the support is based on needs, the courts have at times extended the obligation to pay beyond retirement. 

2. The “double dipping” principle -  The court will consider whether or not the payor’s pension was divided at separation through an “equalization payment” (the payment made between married spouses after a separation ensuring that each spouse ends up with assets of equal value for the period of the marriage).  If the pension was already divided as part of the property settlement agreed to by the spouses at separation, the court will try to avoid « double dipping ».   In other words, the court will avoid dipping again in the same source of funds (i.e. the pension) when granting support, unless the recipient has a significant need that cannot be addressed otherwise. 

 

Spousal support is a very complex area in family law and the payor’s retirement can add to the  complexity.  If retirement is a factor to be considered in your situation,  you  must consult a lawyer to ascertain your options and the impact your retirement may have on your financial situation.   Prior to meeting with your family law professional, take the time to understand the basic concepts of spousal support to use your time with your lawyer more efficiently (Knowledge is power and time is money!).  Visit our website at www.familylawinabox.com and listen to our program on Spousal Support (click here).

Remarriage and Spousal Support

Jill has met a new man.  He has never been married and asked her the other day if she would ever consider marriage again.  Jill always thought that once was enough but this man, Gary, is very kind, attentive to her needs and he is very respectful of the children.  He dreams of building a family life with Jill and believes that marriage would be the ultimate commitment. Jill is really not sure about this ‘marriage commitment thing’. She is also afraid that it may affect the monthly spousal support she is getting from Jack and that she has fought so hard to obtain… And then what happens if it does not work out with Gary?

If Jill remarries, she will be faced with three possible scenarios.  Her spousal support may be (1) terminated (2) reduced or (3) continue as is.  The main issue that will be considered by a court will be whether Jill’s remarriage is considered a “material change in circumstances”.  In order to change the spousal support terms of an agreement that you signed, you must show that something important changed in the parties’ circumstances and that if such changed circumstances had been present when the agreement was negotiated, it would have led to a different amount being paid.  So, if Jill’s remarriage was a clear possibility when she signed her agreement with Jack, and the agreement does not state that her remarriage would be “a material change in circumstances”, it is likely that Jill’s remarriage would have no impact on Jack’s future support obligations.

If Jill’s remarriage was not likely to occur in a foreseeable future when the parties signed their separation agreement, it is possible that her remarriage will be considered a “material change in circumstances” allowing Jack to ask that his support obligations be reviewed in light of Jill’s new family circumstances (and increase family income). This would not of course guarantee an automatic change, as Jill’s entitlement to support (particularly if it was being paid to her to compensate her for the economic disadvantages suffered during her marriage to Jack) might not change even if she is remarried.

Sometimes, a separation agreement specifically provides that spousal support will end if the recipient remarries.  In that case, the outcome would be quite clear and the spousal support would end the day Jill says “I do” for a second time. 

Spousal support is complex.  When dealing with this issue, courts (and lawyers and mediators) will have the following four objectives in mind: 

 

1) recognize any economic advantages or disadvantages to the spouses arising from the marriage or its breakdown; 

 

2) apportion between the spouses any financial consequences arising from the care of any child of the marriage over and above any obligation for the support of any child of the marriage;

3) relieve any economic hardship of the spouses arising from the breakdown of the marriage; and

4) in so far as practicable, promote the economic self-sufficiency of each spouse within a reasonable period of time.

 

If you are contemplating remarriage, spousal support is only one of the issues that you should  consider carefully with your legal advisor. Understanding how to protect your property in a second marriage (by entering into a marriage contract) is also key to happy endings. Visit our website at www.familylawinabox.com and listen to our program on Division of Family Property for Married Spouses (click here).

She’s seeking sole custody? Is she trying to alienate me from my kids!

Jack is furious that Jill is seeking sole custody of their two children. He regards himself as a father who has always been involved with his children, and believes that he has much to offer his kids, both in terms of decision-making and in terms of the time they spend together.  Jack views Jill’s actions post- separation as an overt attempt to cut him out of the children’s lives, and “alienate” them from him. But is this the proper use of the term, “parental alienation?”

A parent who engages in alienating behaviour deliberately and actively campaigns to estrange his or her child from the other parent. Specifically, an alienating parent will talk negatively about the other parent or treat that parent disparagingly in the child’s presence; he or she may tell false stories and lie about the other parent directly to the child. Such parents will not allow their children to speak openly about the other parent in positive terms, or relate positive experiences they have had with the other parent. Moreover, alienating parents may subject their children to interrogation immediately following their return home from access visits, or create divided loyalties by refusing to allow the child to wear clothing purchased by the other parent or bring gifts home from the other parent.

 

Such behaviour on the part of the alienating parent typically occurs over extended periods of time. In response, a child who is alienated will consistently express negative feelings about a parent, or outright reject a parent, for reasons which are unjustified given the child’s past relationship with that parent and given the rejected parent’s conduct itself.

Courts must assess allegations of parental alienation on an individual basis, in order to determine whether a child’s fear or rejection of a parent is reasonable and justified given the circumstances of that particular case.  Was this child previously abused by her parent? Does the parent routinely miss or cancel access visits? What type of relationship did the child have with her parent prior to separation? If a child has valid reasons for exhibiting fear of his parent, or if there is a history which explains why the child refuses to attend access visits or engage with his parent, then it is inaccurate to claim that the child is alienated. If, on the other hand, a child who used to enjoy a loving and meaningful relationship with her parent is now truly fearful of that parent, or outright hostile toward that parent, then parental alienation may be at issue.

The court’s role in custody and access cases is to determine what is in the child’s best interests; it is not the court’s objective to reward or punish parents for their behaviour. Therefore, how courts respond to cases where parental alienation exists is not uniform. In certain cases, reunification or reintegration counselling may be recommended; a complete change to the existing custody and access regime may be ordered. In other instances, courts may find that to order any change to the status quo would cause further harm to the child.

So if you believe that your ex-spouse may be engaging in an alienating behaviour, don’t jump to conclusions.  Seek the assistance of a mental health professional who will be able to guide you through this process and make proper recommendations as to an intervention plan which may, or may not, involve hiring a lawyer.

What? You moved away with the children!

Jill and Jack have been arguing for quite a while now.  For Easter, Jack took the children on holidays to his family in Toronto.  On Easter Monday, Jack sent Jill a text message saying the children would not be returning home that night as he had decided to permanently move to Toronto with the children in order to be closer to his immediate family.  Jill is in a state of shock and her first instinct is to call the police and charge him with kidnapping! All Jill wants is to get the children safely home as quickly as possible. Does Jack have the right to move out of town without telling her?

 

While Jack may certainly move, he cannot do so with the children and most importantly without speaking with Jill who has legal options available to her.  The very first thing that Jill should do is to IMMEDIATELY speak with a family lawyer as in custody matters of this kind, acting with all speed is absolutely crucial.  Every hour and every day that Jill delays in taking court action works against her chances of getting back the children quickly.

 

Under no circumstances should Jill consent to Jack’s removal of the children or sign any agreement that deals with custody and access matters until she and her lawyer have reviewed it.  Similarly, nor should Jill say or write anything to Jack that could be interpreted as agreeing with his removal of the children from the family home.  Jill will also be required to start an urgent court proceeding against Jack for the children's return. Custody proceedings are very fact-specific and to save time and legal fees, Jill will need to provide her lawyer with the following information:

 

1. the family’s background (names of the parties and their children, dates of birth, length of relationship, employment, income, etc.);

 

2. Short timeline of the main events leading up to Jack's removal of the children;

 

3. List of family members, daycare providers and friends who can help her care for the children if the court orders their return to the family home;

 

4. why it would be in the children’s best interest to be in your care until the matter is sorted out, and;

 

5. what access, if any, do you propose the other parent to have.

 

The reason for the parent's moving is irrelevant to the court unless it helps to determine the parent's ability to provide for the children's needs. When making parenting decisions, the courts sole concern is the child’s best interest – what are the child's needs and the ability of each parent to satisfy those needs. Of course, the relationship that the child has with each parent will also be examined. Courts do not like to introduce instability into the children’s lives, nor do they want children to remain in environments that leave them vulnerable to emotional and physical harm. Thus, the trend in the Ontario courts has been to disallow the removal of the children from their family home if there is no compelling reason to show that such a move is in their best interests. In Jack’s case, for instance, the court could order for example that he return the children to Jill or have the police apprehend him and return the children to Jill.

 

Moving away with the children without proper discussion and agreement between both parents will not only disrupt the children’s lives, it will create lots of fear and unnecessary anxiety. Speaking to a family law professional and with the other parent before making such a move is a must!

Just ask the Taxman and you shall receive money!

Tax filing season is here again. Jack knows that tax deductions and exemptions reduce the amount of income on which he has to pay tax, in contrast to a tax credit which means a dollar-for-dollar reduction in the actual amount of the tax that he has to pay.  Although Jack pays child support for the two children, he cannot deduct the amount from his income.   However, the monthly spousal support he pays Jill is a deductible amount.   Jack knows that he will owe the Taxman money again this year and as a good Canadian citizen he will pay his dues.  However, he is also looking at ways to keep money in his pockets as he would love to buy a pontoon boat which would make his summer vacation with the children so much fun. 

Here is a list of some child tax benefits and credits that might be available to you from the federal and Ontario governments:

1. Child Tax Credits - This federal credit can save you up to $329 for each child under the age of 18.

 

2. Canada Child Tax Benefits - The federal CCTB is calculated for July to June yearly and could bring in to a low-income family with two children up to $555 in additional savings.   If Jill and Jack shared custody of the children (50-50 or 70-30), the CCTB would be divided equally but since both kids reside with Jill (70-30), she is the only parent eligible to claim the CCTB.  In Ontario, depending on your income, you may also be eligible to claim the Child Care Benefit and the Child Care Supplement. 

 

3. GST Credit:  This federal tax-free quarterly payment helps individuals and families with modest income offset all or part of the GST that they pay.  To receive the GST credit you have to apply for it every year.

 

4. Child Fitness and Art Tax Credit – At the federal level, for each child under 16, parents may claim a tax credit of up to $500 registered in a sport like ballet, hockey and soccer and another $500 for artistic and cultural activities, like art or music lessons.  In addition, the Ontario government offers the Children’s Activity Tax Credit where you can claim up to $526 in eligible expenses and get up to $52.60 back for each child under 16.  You can receive up to $105.20 back for a child with a disability who is under 18.

 

5. Universal Child Care Benefit – The federal UCCB provides families with $100 per month for each child under the age of 6 or $1,200 per child, per year.

 

6. Eligible Dependant – If you were a single parent during 2012, you may be able to claim an eligible federal dependent tax credit for one of your children which is equivalent to claiming a dependent spouse.  However, whether or not you receive spousal support you are entitled to this credit.  In the case of Jack, since both kids reside with Jill, he may not claim them.

 

7. Child Care Education – Child care expense can be claimed to the federal government when you hire a babysitter or put your child in a daycare or summer camp to enable you to go to work (or attend school).  If you enrolled your child in a fitness program or summer camp, which operates during the hours you are working, then you must first claim the cost as a childcare expense.

 

8. Medical Expenses – Save your receipts whenever you buy glasses for your children or take them to the dentist as you may claim them at the federal level.  If you have a group health insurance plan at work, then only the portion that is not reimbursed is available for you to claim.

 

9. Child Disability Benefit - The federal and provincial governments provide child disability benefits.  If you believe your child is eligible for this benefit, ask your doctor or occupational therapist to complete a Disability Tax Credit form.

 

10. Tuition Tax Credit  - The federal government offers textbook amount and scholarship and bursary exemptions.  Also, if your child attends a university or a private school, you may claim the applicable tax credits from the Ontario government. 

 

Find out more information about Tax Benefits and Credits by visiting the section in our ToolBox (click here). 

Ask your lawyer for tax receipt and save money!

It is now tax season and Jill has made an appointment with her accountant to finalize her yearly income tax return.  Since Jill needed every penny she received in spousal support to make ends meet, she did not listen to her lawyer’s recommendation to set aside in her savings account 25% of the total income paid by Jack.    She is now extremely stressed and wonders how much money she will need to return to the taxman.  After speaking with her friend Susan, who has gone through a divorce a few years ago, Jill may have found a silver lining that may help her reduce the amount of income tax she owes.  As explained by Susan, all Jill needs to do is ask her lawyer for a tax receipt indicating the total amount of the legal costs she incurred to either:

• establish the amount of support payments (child and/or spousal);

• collect late support payments;

• increase support payments (child and/or spousal);  and/or

 

• defend against a request by the payer (Jack) to reduce established support payments. 

If you are a recipient of child and/or spousal support, you can deduct, in your income tax return, the legal fees incurred to obtain, collect or increase support as well as defend a claim for the reduction of such support.  The legal costs incurred by a recipient to resolve any other issues such as property and parenting cannot be deducted.  Unfortunately, if you are the payer of child and/or spousal support, you cannot claim legal costs incurred to establish, negotiate, or contest the amount of support payments.

 

Your lawyer, if asked, will be responsible to prepare the tax receipt and determine the amount of legal costs you spent in the year to deal with the support issues mentioned above. So if you believe that some of the legal fees you incurred this year qualify as a tax deduction, don’t forget to ask your lawyer for a receipt!

Four crucial rules to help you win your case in Family Court

Jack has just been served with divorce papers (in lawyer’s terms, that’s a court application in which Jill is seeking a divorce, sole custody of the children, support, and many other things).  Stressed, Jack has not wasted one minute to immediately set up a meeting with his lawyer, and together they have discussed a strategy on how to respond to the court case, and how to behave now that the matter is before the court. As Jack will soon find out, there is rarely a quick and easy divorce (unless you have been separated for many years, all issues have been resolved and the only thing asked of the court is to finally grant the divorce).

The road to obtaining a final court order can be very long, time consuming and stressful.  Without your ongoing help and input, your lawyer’s power to obtain what is rightfully yours is significantly diminished.  You are the only person who knows the facts of your story inside out and as such, you are key to your lawyer’s ability to win your case.  If you do not behave properly during the long months it will take to bring the court proceeding to an end, you may be giving your ex-spouse what he/she needs to have the upper hand at the end.

Here are four simple – but ho! so very important – rules to follow to make the court proceeding much easier for your lawyer, yourself and the children:

1.      Keep a journal.  Keep a journal of all the important events taking place post-separation. Your former spouse may say things to you, or act in a manner that will need to be relayed to a judge down the road.  Memory is a faculty that forgets easily especially in times of extreme stress and crisis.  Keeping a detailed written record of these occurrences will serve as a helpful reminder at trial and will also enhance the credibility of your oral testimony since it was written at the time the events actually took place.

2.      Start collecting important documents. Going through a court process means presenting to the court all of the evidence it needs to make a fair decision about each disputed issue in your case.  For that to happen, you must provide the judge with all the relevant evidence supporting your position.  As soon as you separate and even before you separate, start collecting all of the necessary documents such as bank statements (confirming your debts and assets), income information, relevant contracts, business records, emails, letters, medical reports, expense receipts and so on.  Make photocopies of ALL documents that you think may be of importance, you never know when you will need them (we have an excellent program on gathering relevant documentation in our Study Box: Find out more (click here).

3.      Be polite and to the point in email contacts and refrain from using social media to vent your frustration. More especially if children are involved you will likely have to continue to communicate with your former spouse after you separate. If you must communicate with him or her, be polite and to the point. There is nothing more damaging to your case than your former spouse bringing emails or Facebook messages he or she received from you showing how angry, mean and denigrating you have been. Further, if you are seeking custody of your children, you need to show the court that you can effectively communicate and cooperate with your former spouse for the sake of your children.

4.      Be as reasonable as possible and maintain your credibility at all times.  This might be the most important tip you are given here.  It will be a long time before you are actually standing in the witness box telling your story.  In the meanwhile, the judge will only be able to assess your credibility by listening to what your lawyer is saying about you or by reading written materials prepared by your lawyer on your behalf.  Since they cannot really assess credibility (this means being able to tell whether you or your ex is lying) in those situations, they will give a good hard look at your actual actions:  Who has cut the other from the health plan coverage?  Who has maxed out the joint line of credit?  Who is refusing to pay his/her rightful share of the mortgage?  Who is asking for the sky, the moon and the stars as a starting settlement position?  It is said that your past behaviour is often a good indication of your current and future behaviour.  Think of how you want to be perceived and if you don’t like the current story, just change it positively. 

This practical advice may ultimately help you win your case in court.

Leaving the country with the children for March Break? Bring a Consent Letter!

Jill is planning to take a boat cruise with the children this March Break.  She is fed up of the cold winter, she is exhausted with the separation process and feels that a good family vacation would do some good.  Jack, however, does not feel the same way.  Jill has so far refused to cover her fair share of the mortgage and if she does not have money for that, she shouldn’t spend thousands on a luxurious vacation south. Jill doesn’t know what to do.  There is no way she can be in court before the scheduled trip and she is afraid that custom authorities will not let her through with the children if she does not have a consent letter signed by Jack… Or should she try anyway?

 

Traveling with children is always a challenge for parents, whether or not you are still together. If you travel with your children and the other parent is not part of the trip, you will need to get the other parent to sign a consent letter giving you permission to leave the country with the children.   A consent letter is normally required by customs whether you have sole custody or joint custody of your children.  It does not matter whether your custodial rights come from a separation agreement or a court order.  If you do not want any surprises at customs, make sure you pack your passport, the children’s passports and an original consent letter in the prescribed form.  The Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada provides an example of a consent letter that you may use to create your own letter.  For your convenience, you may access this consent letter directly from our FREE Toolbox (click here). However, it is advisable to have the consent letter notarized by a lawyer (or someone having authority to swear an oath such a doctor, legal assistant, city officials, etc.) to make sure that the validity of the other parent’s signature is not questioned by customs.

 

Most separation agreements provide that the other parent’s consent must be sought in advance, and that such consent cannot be unreasonably withheld.  But what happens if your ex-spouse refuses to sign the consent letter?  Unfortunately, this happens too often – but sometimes for very valid reasons (health or safety issues) but sometimes simply as a means to engage the other parent in conflict.  If your ex-spouse refuses to sign a consent letter for no valid reason, you may have to bring the matter to court to obtain the court’s authorization to travel with the children outside of the country.  If the court finds that your ex-spouse’s refusal was unreasonable, it can order your ex-spouse to pay for all of the legal fees you had to incur to obtain the court order.

 

This is of course an expensive – and extremely stressful – way to begin a vacation with your children.  You may also need to book an extra week of vacation just to recuperate!  To avoid these unfortunate situations and to keep having fun in the sun, make sure that your separation agreement or divorce order includes well-drafted and comprehensive travel provisions setting out clear expectations when traveling abroad with the children.

Spousal support? Are you kidding me??

Jack and Jill both met in university.  During their last two years of university, Jack and Jill moved in together and married a few months after graduation.  The couple were advancing in age and as Jack was making a decent salary that could support the family.  They then decided that Jill would stay home with the children until they were in school. But Jill never truly started her career.  She is working part-time for the local television station, which gives her time to attend to all of the children’s medical and extracurricular needs. Her annual income is not sufficient to be self-supporting. Jill is completely discouraged especially in this time of recession where no one is hiring and all of her friends are being laid-off.   Jill has been told by her lawyer that after 13 years of marriage she would most likely be entitled to spousal support.  Jack disagrees stating that it was Jill’s decision to stay home while he worked his butt off all these years to support the family. 

 
Unlike child support which is calculated according to a specific amount set out in the Federal Child Support Guidelines, spousal support is not set in stone.  If the parties disagree on the amount to be paid, or for how long, the court will be required to make a decision and they have much discretion in setting those parameters.  The following factors, among others, will be considered: 

- The number of years during which the parties have lived together;
- The parties’ respective income;
- Whether the couple still have dependent children;
- The parties' age as well as their physical and mental health;
- The parties’ standard of living during the relationship;
- The parties’ current assets and financial means, including what they are likely to earn in the future;
- The capacity of the recipient to contribute to his/her own support, by working or otherwise, and the amount of time it will take him/her to achieve self-sufficiency;
- The payer’s capacity to pay support; and
- Whether or not the recipient has helped the other spouse to build a career or a business.

 

In general, the duration of spousal support can vary from 0.5 to 1 year of support for each year the couple has cohabited together (note that it is the years of cohabitation that count, not the years of marriage).  In certain circumstances, such as when a couple has cohabited for more than 20 years, the support may be payable for an “indefinite” duration.  This means that the support will continue to be paid until an important change occurs (such as remarriage, retirement, important change in income, etc.).

The right to ask for spousal support is automatic for married couples. With regard to common law spouses, it varies from province to province.  In Ontario, you can only ask for spousal support if you have lived together for 3 years continuously, or if you have a child together and live in a relationship of some permanence. The same factors (as listed above) are relevant for married and common law couples.

For more helpful information about spousal support or the rights of common law spouses, subscribe to our full library of recorded programs (Study Box) available 24/7 at www.familylawinabox.com (click here to be directed to our Study Box).

 

Child Support – Why should I support my wife’s shopping addiction?

Following many discussions, Jack and Jill have finally agreed for Jill to have the children in her primary care (equal to 70% of the time) and Jack, because of his work obligations and difficult schedule, will have them in his care every second weekend including one or two evenings in between (or 30% of the time).  As a result of this arrangement and because he earns a substantially higher income than Jill, Jack’s monthly child support payment will increase.  Jack is concerned about Jill’s love for shopping. While he financially supported it during the marriage, Jack is convinced that a good chunk of the child support he will pay will not be spent on the children. Jack spoke to colleagues at work who used all sorts of strategies to reduce their child support payments. He wonders whether he should have insisted to have the children 50% of the time and whether it was a good idea to accept the long-awaited promotion handed out to him at work, resulting in a higher income… and higher child support payments.

Both of these options are not advisable.  Firstly, a parent should never make parenting decisions based on financial considerations (i.e. with a view of reducing child support).  The court would readily see such a decision for what it is and the parent would lose credibility before the court (or a mediator).  Decision-making authorities assess parenting arrangements based on what is in the best interest of the children, and nothing else.  Rights and obligations regarding children are the same whether you are married or living in a common law relationship.

In the same way, it is a terrible idea for a parent to take steps to quit a well-paying job or to voluntarily reduce his/her annual income to avoid paying child support.  If a court finds that the payer parent has voluntarily reduced his/her income, it may impute an annual income that is greater than the one shown on the income tax return.  The amount of the imputed income will be based on what the court believes the payer parent has the capability to earn.  Following the court decision, that parent will be obligated to pay the higher basic child support amount imputed.  

Many payer parents are concerned with the way basic child support is being used by the recipient parent. While this may be frustrating in some circumstances, the payer parent has no control over the money once it has been paid to the recipient parent. What payers need to understand is that basic child support is not meant to cover strictly expenses that directly benefit the children themselves (such as food and clothing).  It also serves to cover expenses which benefit the children indirectly (although it also has the effect of benefitting the parent as well), such as the mortgage and utilities (for the home in which the children live), the car (which is used to travel them around) and, yes, even the brand new porch…

The payer parent should also keep in mind that in the Federal Child Support Guidelines, basic child support amounts vary for each Canadian provinces and territories and are set based on the amount that an individual parent, with a specific income, is expected to spend to provide for his/her children.   It is simple, the higher the income, the higher the child support amount will be.  Although a payer parent may feel that it would be « cheaper » not to pay child support and to have the children half the time instead, let’s remember that raising children is extremely expensive (many little things, which you may not think about, result in considerable costs when pulled together; haircuts, school lunches and activities, birthday parties, toys, personal care items and, yes, those LuLu Lemon pants…).  In the vast majority of cases, the basic child support amount will not be sufficient to cover that parent’s share of the children’s expenses (both direct and indirect) and the recipient parent will often have to modify his/her current standard of living to support the children financially.

For more helpful information about basic child support and or extraordinary (special) expenses, subscribe to our full library of recorded programs (Study Box) at

www.familylawinabox.com.  (click here to be directed to our Study Box)