Four crucial rules to help you win your case in Family Court

Jack has just been served with divorce papers (in lawyer’s terms, that’s a court application in which Jill is seeking a divorce, sole custody of the children, support, and many other things).  Stressed, Jack has not wasted one minute to immediately set up a meeting with his lawyer, and together they have discussed a strategy on how to respond to the court case, and how to behave now that the matter is before the court. As Jack will soon find out, there is rarely a quick and easy divorce (unless you have been separated for many years, all issues have been resolved and the only thing asked of the court is to finally grant the divorce).

The road to obtaining a final court order can be very long, time consuming and stressful.  Without your ongoing help and input, your lawyer’s power to obtain what is rightfully yours is significantly diminished.  You are the only person who knows the facts of your story inside out and as such, you are key to your lawyer’s ability to win your case.  If you do not behave properly during the long months it will take to bring the court proceeding to an end, you may be giving your ex-spouse what he/she needs to have the upper hand at the end.

Here are four simple – but ho! so very important – rules to follow to make the court proceeding much easier for your lawyer, yourself and the children:

1.      Keep a journal.  Keep a journal of all the important events taking place post-separation. Your former spouse may say things to you, or act in a manner that will need to be relayed to a judge down the road.  Memory is a faculty that forgets easily especially in times of extreme stress and crisis.  Keeping a detailed written record of these occurrences will serve as a helpful reminder at trial and will also enhance the credibility of your oral testimony since it was written at the time the events actually took place.

2.      Start collecting important documents. Going through a court process means presenting to the court all of the evidence it needs to make a fair decision about each disputed issue in your case.  For that to happen, you must provide the judge with all the relevant evidence supporting your position.  As soon as you separate and even before you separate, start collecting all of the necessary documents such as bank statements (confirming your debts and assets), income information, relevant contracts, business records, emails, letters, medical reports, expense receipts and so on.  Make photocopies of ALL documents that you think may be of importance, you never know when you will need them (we have an excellent program on gathering relevant documentation in our Study Box: Find out more (click here).

3.      Be polite and to the point in email contacts and refrain from using social media to vent your frustration. More especially if children are involved you will likely have to continue to communicate with your former spouse after you separate. If you must communicate with him or her, be polite and to the point. There is nothing more damaging to your case than your former spouse bringing emails or Facebook messages he or she received from you showing how angry, mean and denigrating you have been. Further, if you are seeking custody of your children, you need to show the court that you can effectively communicate and cooperate with your former spouse for the sake of your children.

4.      Be as reasonable as possible and maintain your credibility at all times.  This might be the most important tip you are given here.  It will be a long time before you are actually standing in the witness box telling your story.  In the meanwhile, the judge will only be able to assess your credibility by listening to what your lawyer is saying about you or by reading written materials prepared by your lawyer on your behalf.  Since they cannot really assess credibility (this means being able to tell whether you or your ex is lying) in those situations, they will give a good hard look at your actual actions:  Who has cut the other from the health plan coverage?  Who has maxed out the joint line of credit?  Who is refusing to pay his/her rightful share of the mortgage?  Who is asking for the sky, the moon and the stars as a starting settlement position?  It is said that your past behaviour is often a good indication of your current and future behaviour.  Think of how you want to be perceived and if you don’t like the current story, just change it positively. 

This practical advice may ultimately help you win your case in court.

Watch What You Write on Your Wall…

Jill is very upset with Jack and vented her frustrations on Facebook.  Her friends “liked” her comments.  Unfortunately, Jill forgot that one of her friends is also friends with Jack’s teenage niece who has her phone glued to her hip and who instantaneously saw the comment Jill made about her uncle.  Of course, she immediately shared it with her mother, Jack’s sister.  Even if Jill wanted to erase her comment, it is too late and Jack has already seen it. 

Social networking services such as Facebook, Linkedin or Twitter have not only become a “marriage killer” – you would be surprise to learn how many people discovered that their spouse was cheating through these means -  they also have the potential of becoming a “best case” killer in court or in a divorce settlement process.  When a separation gets ugly, spouses may be tempted to use social media as a channel to vent their anger, bash their ex-spouse’s actions and get support from common friends and family members in what they believe to be their “just cause”.   

 
If you are using social media to show off your new “hot” girlfriend to your buddies, or to gain support from your friends, rest assured that this evidence is going to find its way into the court room – or in your ex-spouse’s lawyer’s hands–quicker than you can think.  Yes, this type of evidence can be used against you in court and in other settlement processes.  Imagine, with your own actions and your own words you may give your ex-spouse the evidence he or she needs to discredit you and prove his or her point against you.  Your children could find your disparaging comments in future years.    It is hard for parents to argue that they have their children’s best interest at heart – and thus should be granted sole custody of them – when evidence proves that they have spent the past two months destroying the other parents’ reputation in social media.   Even worst, your children can be scared emotionally in the process, especially if your comments are available for the whole world to read. 

Finally, it is not enough to try to limit the damage by shutting down your existing account, locking down your privacy settings or “untagging” your images and pictures.  The damage may be impossible to control down the road as social media tends to leave permanent traces.  Remember that social networking services were created to help people stay in touch. Therefore, if one day you have the urge or the need to vent about your ex or the events related to your separation, just pick up the phone and talk to someone before writing it - permanently - on  your wall.