Showing posts with label child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child. Show all posts

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Surrogacy in Canada

Jack’s sister, Jannika, and her husband Bill always wanted to have a child. They have now been trying for more than 5 years, but nothing seems to be working. A good friend of theirs, Rachel, who already has 3 children, has offered to carry their child. Jannika and Bill are really excited at the idea of having a close friend carrying their baby. The plan is for Jannika and Bill to provide their gametes (sperm and egg) and for Rachel to act solely as a carrier. Rachel will be carrying the baby without compensation. They are thinking of going through an agency to carry on with the project.

There are two types of surrogacy: commercial and altruistic. In Canada, “commercial surrogacy”, which sees surrogate mothers receive money for carrying a couple’s child, is illegal. Likewise, it is also illegal for would-be parents seeking a surrogate to advertise that they are willing to pay a woman for the service. However, it is legal to reimburse a surrogate for the expenses she incurs as a result of the pregnancy. This is what is called “altruistic surrogacy.

The expenses that an altruistic surrogate mother may incur and can obtain reimbursement for, include:

  •  Medication
  • Maternity clothes
  • Travel costs
  •  Pre-natal supplements and vitamins
  •  Loss of work if bed rest becomes necessary

Though it is illegal to compensate a surrogate mother for carrying a child, surrogacy is still a very expensive process. According to the surrogacy support website Surrogacy in Canada, the typical cost for a gestational surrogacy varies between $32,000 and $76,000. These costs take into consideration the in-vitro fertilization, the expenses before and during pregnancy as well as the legal expenses. Since not many young couples have that kind of money, it is more and more common for them to enter into “underground” surrogate arrangements, thus avoiding the need to go through an agency and allowing them to use other methods of fertilization. A child is always a wonderful gift of life, but you may end up with a different deal than what you bargained for, during the pregnancy and after the baby is born.  Surrogacy is a complex process so before you have recourse to it, you should absolutely seek legal advice to fully understand  the rights and obligations that result for all parties involved. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

All I need from my mom and dad after divorce


It is almost the end of the school year and the children have been coming home with their backpacks full of assignments that they completed in class with their teachers.  As Jack is sifting through the pile of papers on the kitchen counter, he found a wrinkled piece of paper written by his teenage daughter entitled: “All I need from my mom and dad”.   This is an assignment that was completed in English earlier in the year.  It broke Jack’s heart… Here’s what it said:
 
« All I need from my mom and dad »

•   I need both of you to stay involved in my life on a daily basis.  Please write emails, text me, make phone calls, and ask me LOTS of questions about school, my friends, my interests, my fears, my dreams and ambitions.  When you do not stay involved, I feel like I am not important and that you do not care about me anymore.
•   When you say you will visit me, make sure you show up because I feel so sad and lonely and often I feel the rejection over and over again.  I just want to spend time with you!
•   I want and I need to love both of you.  Please support the time that I spend with each of you and also with my step-parents.  If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. 
•   Stop making me the messenger!   Communicate directly with my other parent. I often feel like the bearer of bad news and my stomach is in knots until I deliver the message. 
At my age, I don’t need this constant stress.
•   Always remember this:  I want both of you to be a part of my life on a daily basis. I count on my mom and my dad to raise me, to teach me what’s important, and to help me when I have problems.  I want to confide in you but before I do that I need to be constantly reassured that I can TRUST you and that you ARE there for me at all times!

As a parent, it is normal to feel uncertain about how to support your children during – and especially after – your divorce because often you simply do not know what to say to them.   Being a step-parent is even harder because you seem to be living in this grey zone – should I hug his/her children?  Tell them I love them?  Although they are not the parents, often step-parents are more involved in the children’s daily lives then the access parent.   The divorce is a transitional time that cannot be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority.   If your children do not live with you primarily, do not fall into the trap of buying your children’s love with presents.  Give them the gift of time…
 
In the end, no matter their age and no matter the circumstances, all children want the same thing from their parents and step-parents such as reassurance, a listening ear, stability, routine and structure.  But most of all, children want to be part of a family that loves them and shows them every day by being present in their lives.  They want parents and step-parents to participate in their activities, to give them hugs and high fives and to take the time to cook and enjoy a nice family diner.  Simply said, your children need your presence more than your presents!