After the Separation - The Need to Plan the Christmas Holidays!

The Christmas holidays are just around the corner and Jack would really like to work out the holiday schedule and travel plans with Jill.   Jack’s mother is hoping that she will be able to give her annual Christmas dinner and she is pressing Jack to get an answer from Jill as soon as possible.  Jill is still very angry at Jack and unreasonable when it comes to making decisions with respect to the children.  Jack fears that she will not let him have the children for  his family’s traditional Christmas dinner, a festivity that the children enjoy very much as they get to play with all their cousins. Jack is anxious and feels that, at least for this year, the existing family traditions should be maintained.   

If, like many other separated families, you must face the prospect of sharing the children with your ex-spouse this year, chances are you will be spending either Christmas or New Year or some very important event without your children.  Planning is the key to help you cope with being either home alone during some of these times and/or without your children.  Here are a few tips you may want to consider to make this holiday season as merry as possible, in the circumstances:

• Talk to your children – Mark the calendar so that they understand the schedule that was agreed upon with your ex-spouse.  You may tell them how much they will be missed when they are with the other parent, however, reassure them that you also have fun plans.  While it is important to be honest with your children about how you feel, they are not responsible for your happiness (or unhappiness).
• Make plans with your children – It is not important what you do or when you do it, as long as you plan to celebrate the holidays in YOUR own special way.  Start a new family tradition that the children will cherish for years.  Children remember true joy, comfort and laughter, not specific days of the week.  Ask for their advice as children always have great ideas.
• Touch base – When your children are with the other parent, arrange to have some kind of contact with them.  A quick phone call or a text message on Christmas day can go a long way.   A contact, no matter how brief, will help the children cope and help ease your own feelings of loneliness.  Remember, you will soon be reunited again.
• Most importantly, make plans for yourself – It does not have to be earth shattering but make sure to plan something out with family and friends during the children’s absence.  Also plan for some time alone to rejuvenate.  Your heart and soul might be aching with pain for not being with your children, but a good laughter might be the cure you need.  Cook a special meal, go to a movie or to a fine restaurant, read a good book, rent a movie, get a massage or a beauty treatment, finish a home project, stay in bed as long as your heart desires, go away for a few days or give some time to a local charity.  What truly matters is that you take time to make plans for yourself!