Do I leave or do I stay?

Jack had made his decision.  Unbeknownst to Jill, he had been through months of personal counselling to figure out whether or not his marriage was over.  It was now crystal clear to him that their long relationship (they started going out in University) was at an end.  After fifteen years of marriage, he was utterly unhappy and he felt that he and his wife had absolutely nothing in common anymore, except their two beautiful children Adam (age 10) and Eva (age 3), whom they both loved dearly.  After another endless evening of fighting over petty issues, Jack made an impulsive decision and announced to Jill that he wanted out.  He thought that she felt the same way as he did (she’s been so distant lately), but let’s just say that the announcement did not go as planned.  Jill stormed out of the home without saying where she was going.  She came back this morning before the children woke up, and has not spoken to him since.  Jack has tried to speak to her this morning after the children were gone to school and daycare.  He told her that he did not want to argue anymore, he just wanted a simple separation.  He was not leaving the home until both of them calmed down and figured out what would happen next.

Before Jack made his decision to leave, he consulted a family lawyer to find out what his rights and obligations were.  Jack wanted to make sure that his rights towards the children were protected, that he was not putting himself or the children at risk financially, and that he would not take any steps that might increase the conflict between him and Jill. His lawyer gave him the following advice:

•  Make sure that your marriage is over.  If in doubt, try marriage counselling.  It is readily available and relatively inexpensive, and you want to make sure you don’t regret your decision later;
• Don’t make hasty decisions.  Take the time to think this through with your partner.  Now is NOT the time to:
• Cancel your life insurance policies or change the beneficiaries on your health plan
• Sell the home or move out of the home (at least not before an agreement, even temporary, has been reached with respect to their care)
• Take out all of the money in the joint bank account, close all your bank accounts, or cancel your spouse’s credit cards.  This is the best way to insure years of litigation
• Create more debts (i.e. load your credit cards or buy yourself a new car with the joint line of credit)
• Remove all of the furniture from the home
• Protect yourself.  While you do not need to “rock the boat” the day after you announced your intention to separate, make sure that you are well informed and keep your eyes open.  Among other things:
• Pay attention to joint credit and debts.   If you see unusual or large withdrawals on the line credit, react!
• Put important belongings (family heirlooms, jewellery, insurance policies) in a safe place
• Make photocopies of important documents (income tax returns, home purchase documents, insurance policies, bank statements, passports)

Separation is usually a long and painful journey, take the time you need to think it through carefully.