How to choose a family lawyer?

It has now been three months, and conflict between Jack and Jill is reaching an alarming level.  Until recently, Jill believed that she would be able to resolve family issues with Jack amicably without the need for lawyers to get involved. This no longer looks like a possible outcome.  As a result, Jill is looking for a family lawyer.

How does one choose a family lawyer?  Hiring the right professional is certainly one of the most important decisions you will have to make in the context of your separation.  The choice of lawyer you make may have a significant impact on your financial future, the length that it will take to resolve things, and the amount of legal fees you will have to pay.  Most importantly, your children’s well-being and your ability to co-parent cooperatively with your ex in the future may forever be affected by choosing the wrong lawyer.

To choose the family lawyer who will be the perfect fit for you and your particular situation, take into consideration the following:

- Do you want a fight or do you want to remain civil and amicable?  If you want to do this as peacefully as possible, look for a lawyer who has a mediation or collaborative law training.  If you want a hired gun who will defend you fearlessly against an abusive and/or vindictive ex-partner, seek someone with a lot of court experience.

- Do you need an expert in family law or someone who has great negotiation skills?  While the expert may be better if your case presents some complex legal issues (often when the couple has accumulated significant wealth), if the main issue of contention is the care of your children you may be better served by someone with great negotiation skills rather than lots of academic knowledge;

- What is your budget? If you have limited means, you may want to look for a sole practitioner as opposed to hiring a lawyer who is part of a big law firm.  Sole practitioners or lawyers in smaller practice can usually offer more flexibility than large firms in terms of payment plans and hourly rates.

No matter what type of lawyer you need, in all cases you want to make sure that the lawyer who will help you with your case will have the following essential attributes:

- He/she practices exclusively in (or at least the larger part of his/her practice is dedicated to) the field of family law.  While your best friend, who happens to be a real estate lawyer, may be willing to help you (even for free), he/she does not have the necessary skills;

- He/she is available and responsive.  A two-day delay for a return call from your family lawyer is just not acceptable in the highly emotional field of family law which often presents emergencies;

- He/she is compatible with you.  You and your lawyer need to be on the same page when it comes to making decisions in your case.  As you will need to work closely together, you don’t want to work with someone who makes you feel unworthy or with whom you do not feel comfortable.

- He/she must treat you as an equal and essential part of the team.  You want a lawyer who listens to you, who seeks and considers your views, who keeps you informed of every event and development in your case, and who works collaboratively with you towards a final resolution.  You are not hiring a lawyer to make decisions for you.

- He/she must be a teacher, a coach and be candid and honest in the opinions he/she gives you. Way too many lawyers see their role as either your decision maker or your cheerleader.  You want neither.  You want someone who explains to you in clear language how the law works, who tells you when you are unreasonable or when your position is weak, and who leaves it to you to make your own decisions based on the information you have been provided.

In case of doubt, seek references from your friends, colleagues and family members who have been through a separation before. They most likely had to work with family lawyers and are a great resource when it comes to making that very important decision.